Dating outside of your culture - what's the big deal?

I recently wrote a post for .Ghana and just wanted to share it with you guys. Thoughts and comments welcome of course! 

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A friend of mine recently asked the question “Saadiya, would you date a white guy or a guy who wasn't Nigerian?” If I had been asked this question a couple of years ago I would have, without a doubt, answered with a confident ‘no!’. Surely dating outside of your culture could only lead to confusion, arguments and unnecessary hassle. Why put yourself through that when you can find someone who understands you and your culture from the get go?

Fast forward a couple of years, and this question has really stumped me. Would I date a guy outside of my race or culture? And I don’t just mean black and white or African and Jamaican. There is a whole spectrum of matches here; Black and Asian, Chinese and White, Nigerian and Ghanaian, Egyptian and Indian... er, you get the idea! How would it work... in the long run of course – the ultimate goal for any two people in a relationship is marriage, and a long-lasting one at that, right? Dating outside of your culture or race is an issue I am sure, many of us have faced. We could be here for hours discussing the pros and cons of the situation but this is something that has been playing on my mind for a while now. The reason for this is, after graduating from University, I now think dating a guy outside of my culture would not be as big an issue as I once thought. I am not opposed to the idea. But, I think it depends on the person. I have met some people from all sorts of walks of life who have understood me a whole lot better than people I have met that are of the same race, culture and heritage as myself. So, just like all things, you just can’t generalise I guess. If the relationship is serious, then you're not just thinking about yourself anymore. It’s the impact it will have on your future children and those around you; family, friends and colleagues. People will always try to find a way to make your relationship their business for whatever reason. It simply is not though! I say simply, because it is... well, it should be. When families get involved, it seems like the issue is out of your hands entirely! While I understand that, especially in African or Asian homes, marrying outside of your culture seems to be the road less traveled down.

I wanted to get a wider perspective on this issue so I asked a couple of my friends the same question, and the results I found was just as varied as I had expected, but also quite positive. Everyone played the middle ground – ‘they would… for the right person’ and that is the key; find the right person. I find it comical how people have ‘checklists’ when it comes to potential partners – it's something that can only restrict you, especially when you're young. Don’t get me wrong, it is important to have standards to keep by when dating, but there can be certain things that can also be compromised on. Besides, people are complex; they can’t be listed, checked off and placed in boxes.

Interracial couples or marriages can work, for the right person, and if both sides are willing to respect and compromise. I think that is what it all comes down to eventually. There should be nothing wrong with dating interracial, as long as the other person can truly understand, respect and compromise on important issues. Believe it or not, people are capable of doing this.

So I go back to my original question; would I date a guy outside of my culture or race? I would, for the right person. But they better be worth it!

'I am full of light, I am full of wonder' | Musings

There comes times in life when you realise you have to change something about yourself, or improve a part of you. Like maybe you want to start eating healthier, give up smoking, or work on your confidence or get a place in University.

You're not changing because you are trying to model yourself on someone else, but simply because you realise that, for you and your well-being,  it's the best thing to do.  But it's so hard isn't it? I'll use eating healthy as an example because that's something I'm working on right now, i.e paying attention to what I eat, cutting out all the unhealthy food and generally eating more healthy and useful foods.  I genuinely thought to myself one day that I gotta take this seriously - the foods I buy, cook and eat are so important I should start paying attention to them. It's one of those things that is so easy to put off till tomorrow, till someday. 'We're always waiting for our lives to begin...' but if you think about it, in a year's time, you would wish that you had started today. It's about just taking that first step. Even if you give up or give in halfway through, as long as you know how to make that first step again and again... and again, I reckon it'll be alright.  

It just has to start with you and only you; changing someone else is damn near impossible if they have no interest in it. Change is such a hard thing and as human beings it's so easy for us to get stuck in our ways without expanding our horizons and just opening our minds to endless possibilities, as cheesy as that sounds!!   I love the idea of that though, being so optimistic about certain things that you have such a strong 'get up and go' attitude about life and what you can do. Obviously life isn't full of sunny days and rainbows but it does pay to keep optimism alive, give things a go and literally just do it. Just do it. As soon as you've made the decision to lose weight, or give up smoking or get into uni, it's done; you have made that decision so it's up to yourself to pull through.  

I wanted to share with you guys Emeli Sande's new song (well, it's Naughty Boy ft, Emeli Sande) I've raved about her material before and I love that she is releasing new music, it's so inspiring and refreshing to hear her songs on the radio. What do you guys think about the new song?

'This life is contagious, go, go tell your neighbours, just reach out and pass it on'

Interviews | Rant time

I hate interviews. Like really really really really hate them so much so that I would rather take another 3 hour law exam or something. Somehow I think that would be less pressure... Obviously, interviews are not supposed to be appealing, or exiting, or enjoyable; they are meant to test you and draw out the best in you so the company knows that they are recruiting the best of the best. I get that. But some take the mick.

The most recent interview I had lasted the whole day and consisted of a maths test, a sales test and a competency based interview. Oh and group work (I'm SO bad at group work it makes me want to cry...) The job I was going for must have been pretty big though right? Right? Ha ha haha ha. It was for a call centre where literally you sit there, people call in about their broken down washing machines and you help them with their problems while secretly trying to sell them some insurance. An interview I had before that was pretty much the same and it was also for a very very very basic job.  To be honest, their more 'assessment days' than 'interviews' because their so hardcore. What really annoys me though is when you ask for feedback on how you did (if you didn't get the job) and all they say to you is: 'we're sorry but, due to the high volume of interest, we cannot give individual feedback.' Oh well I'M sorry but did I not just spend ALL day in YOUR office doing YOUR tests and answering YOUR questions and pretending like sales was the best thing in the whole world?! I know they are a massive company and I'm just another unemployed graduate to them but it's a bit... belittling when you literally jump through hoops for a job that is only meant to 'get you by'  and you can't even ask where you went wrong.

Interviews in general are hardcore, I understand, but really, what are they looking for? Perfection? Well it doesn't exist man!
Meh, rant over.

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'Anderson Cooper is a gorgeous man...'

I recently came across TED Talks – a website dedicated to showcasing ‘ideas worth spreading’ - and really wanted to share it with you guys. Most of you may be aware of the site but if not, TED stands for ‘Technology, Entertainment, Design’ and holds three annual conferences, two in California and one in Edinburgh every summer.  These talks aim to showcase some of the world’s best thinkers in technology, entertainment and design and provide us with new ideas and ways of thinking about things in our lives. 

The website makes these words of wisdom available, free, for the world to watch and I spent literally hours going through their archive. Check out a few of my favourite talks that I stumbled across!

'Unlock the intelligence, passion and greatness of girls'

'Try something new for 30 days'

'Before I die I want to...'

Also, check out my post I did on this here

'The power of introverts'

'If I should have a daughter...'

Enjoy and hope you guys have had a great weekend!

'If no-one ever hears it, how we gonna learn your song..?' | Morning Musings |

Am I the only one to find it quite creepy/stalkerish how adverts on the websites you go on (Blogs, Facebook, Youtube side adverts etc) target you?  In my final year of uni, around the time I was searching for a flat to live, every single ad I came across online was of estate agents and student flats on the market in Liverpool.  I know how these things work. I think. Something about Google, and our data and our search engine entries right...? This never really bothered me, until Facebook started targeting me with 'Find Muslim singles in your area' adverts. Yep, Facebook knows I'm single, I'm Muslim and is now trying to set me up. (Pffft, I'm shaking the guys off with a stick, blates.)  

I understand that obviously companies need to advertise their products for the wider public, I get it - you created something spectacular that the world just has to see it, one way or another. But when I am shown adverts to join dating sites to meet 'hot singles' in my area, I think something has gone wrong, somewhere. Firstly, how can you advertise love? It's like advertising an emotion. Kind of... Secondly, I feel like we can't even move without getting hit in the face with people telling us to buy this, telling us we need that, telling us that their offer only lasts till Friday (my personal favourites are the 'Buy now, pay nothing for a year!' offers). How often do you go on a site and about 5 billion pop up sites pop up claiming to offer you the latest Apple gadget. How did we move from adverts just being on TV, on billboards and in magazines to being everywhere?! Maaaaaaybe I am a little over sensitive in this issue and no one reaaaally cares but me, but hmmm, it just bugged me quite a bit!

It's alright, Banksy gets me...

Anyway, since uni is over, I have taken up reading again. Not the reading-because-you-have-an-exam-and-know-nothing type of reading but actually reading for fun (what is that?!) Yeah, it's been a while! I am currently reading The Alchemist - has any one read it? It's quite good so far, although I think I did start reading with my expectations way too high, but I am only half way through! 

The Alchemist, The Power of Now, The perks of being a Wallflower

Oh yeah, did I mention... I graduated!! YESSSS; University of Liverpool Law Graduate 2012. Now when people ask me what I do for a living, I look them right in the eye and say with a massive grin on my face that 'I am a graduate, actually' (little do they know that that is code for 'I am currently unemployed, please, please, please give me a job. Please.' NOT that I am desperate.) I actually quite like being able to say that. I keep seeing interviews with recent graduates complain about how their degree hasn't really helped them with finding employment and how uni was a waste of time... and while this may be true for some people, uni is by no means a waste of time. Well, it wasn't for me. I loved it, and I would happily, hands down, do it again - same course, same uni, same people - I genuinely loved the experience and have learnt things about myself I don't think I would have learnt any other way to be honest. I would like to think that the rise in tuition fee's wouldn't have stopped me either but it is very easy for me to say that from where I am at at the moment! 

What do you guys think about uni and tuition fee's? Have you been, are you going, will you go?

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