Dear quiet people // Musings

'Just because you don't say much doesn't mean people don't notice you. It's actually the quiet ones who often draw the most attention. There's this constant whirlwind of motion and sound all around, and then there's the quiet one, the eye of the storm' 

- Amy Efaw

Source: Tumblr

It is common knowledge that when you hold up a shell to your ear, you can hear the sea, quietly roaring on a distant beach, wanting nothing more than to escape and show you it's beautiful ocean blue waves in all its glory. Scientifically, this sound that we hear has something to do with air, echoes and sound waves, but I really like the idea of there being an entire ocean inside of a tiny shell, desperate to get out, to be free, and to stretch before you. Maybe you've been told your whole life that you're a quiet person, you 'come across as shy' or that you have a 'reserved personality' but whatever words people want to use, it all pretty much means the same thing.  While you may have come to realise it's ok to not be the loudest person in a group, sometimes you are left feeling like a seashell - seemingly small and delicate with a whole world of thoughts, ideas, emotions, observations and opinions strong enough to make you believe that you could lead a small army or, dare I say it, a country. This is a common thing that a lot of people experience and, whether you are struggling with this fact about yourself or have come to be comfortable with it, there are often brief moments that make you question how your personality can fit in the world around you.

If only you could get your words out... If only people would slow down just long enough to listen to what you have to say... If only someone would take the chance, to pick you up and listen to the roar of your unheard words.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you feel about it), this post is not going to tell you how to 'overcome your shyness' and I have no plans to share tips on how to 'transform into an extrovert'.  What I will say, however, is that one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me was from a teacher who once told me that I was 'serenity personified' which, after years of battling shyness and lack of confidence gave me the realisation that I needed. Essentially, he was repeating what everyone else had been telling me for years, but this time, with a new perspective.  This time it made me realise that confidence did not have to be loud or overbearing and that learning to become quietly confident was just as good. And that being the quiet place, the eye of the storm, serenity among chaos was a skill in itself.

The ocean, concealed in a shell, makes it an unlikely source of great strength while simultaneously being able to calm a torn soul.  There is beauty in being a safe haven and a voice of reason - both calming qualities mixed with quiet passion that leaves passersby speechless.  This is not something to be ashamed of or to wish away. Work with what you have, find the strengths in your quiet personality and use it forge a great future for yourself.

//////

I follow Humans of New York on Facebook and Tumblr and remember seeing this post from last February come up on my feed. It's been almost a year since the post and I still think about it every now and then because it resonates so much with me and my past experiences.  As I can't seem to get it out of me head, I decided to write about it. Let me know if you can relate in any way or have ever felt like this before!

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Thoughts on loneliness // Musings

'Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; They're big flashing signs that something needs to change' 

 Gretchen Rubin 

I recently read an article about loneliness and how it's becoming a great concern for young people, and shouldn't be seen as something that is exclusive to the elderly anymore. Feeling isolated is often seen as a trait of growing older but now this 'epidemic of loneliness' sees that our 20's are riddled with late nights, lonely days, FOMO, stress, anxiety and maybe even depression. While I definitely don't have these feelings now, I have felt a sense of loneliness in the past during a certain period of time at university and the effect that loneliness, or a certain type of isolation, has on your mental health is striking.  And even then I shouldn't really call my experience loneliness because all I had to do was Skype a friend, arrange a lunch date, a shopping trip, a walk in the park anything simply as a way to force myself out of the house.  Sometimes that's all it takes - the effort to spend quality time in the presence of a friend or family member and more often than not this can be enough to banish the dull feeling of isolation and remind you that you have people, you are not alone.

But what happens if that isn't enough? What if you get to the point where you find that you have no real friendships, just mere acquaintances, no close family members, just mere relatives?  Don't get me wrong, I think knowing how to enjoy your own company and how to spend time alone is an invaluable thing to learn and is often needed in a world of constant communication. Being surrounded with the wrong people in order to fill an empty void is just as bad on your mental health as feeling lonely in the first place. But being lonely for a prolonged period of time in a town, city, school, place of work or, even, the entire world, can seriously affect you mentally, physically and emotionally. And by being lonely I don't mean being single, I mean no close friends, no close family, no close...anyone.  Maybe I'm over-thinking this but it's something I seriously worry about happening to me. I feel so incredibly grateful and lucky to be surrounded by loving, caring and happy friends and family that it's hard to imagine somebody not having the same.  And sure, it is easy to blame things like social media because being connected in the digital world is no substitution for face to face communication, no matter how real it may be. But I think our 20's are filled with great change, growth and maturity which causes you, the people around you and your circumstances to change drastically, sometimes multiple times. Concentrating on education, work, romantic relationships or even starting your own family of course takes up our time and energy and if everyone of your friends are doing the same, it may feel like you're on your journey alone.

Some say loneliness is part of the human condition but, ultimately, we are social creatures - we crave community, intimacy and a sense of belonging. Maybe you had this in the past and don't have it any more, maybe you are still searching for your own community or maybe you have a great close group of people in your life right now.  I'm happy that I can say that I have my own group and individuals who I know I can count on but wherever you are on your journey, if there is one thing I do know, it is that any feelings of loneliness need to be met by action - small steps to finding those that feel like family and more often than not, you won't have to look that far because great people can be found in great places.

What are your experiences with loneliness?

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I know this great little place... // Lincolnshire

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I decided to head a little further up North to Lincolnshire for a day visit. It was pretty spontaneous actually as she called me up the night before and since I've officially finished uni now (ohhhhh yeeeaaaah) I have quite a bit of spare time at the moment. So I decided to put the job applications to one side for the day and went along with her.

Lincoln is just under two hours away by train and the best way to describe it is a sort of hybrid between a town and village.  It's so pretty and I can imagine it being even more stunning during the summer months. We wanted to head to the Cathedral which is about a 10 minute walk from the main city centre and it's situated on top of what is quite possible the biggest hill I've ever had to climb. Ever. One of the streets leading up to the Cathedral is actually called Steep Hill and, let me tell you, it lives up to it's name. At one point me and my friend were half way up and there was a woman walking up behind us who was pretty much wheezing as she was walking up and it just made me feel 1000x more sorry for people who lived at the top and had to do the walk everyday!

This was about halfway up the hill and already the view was pretty incredible.

The Cathedral was HUGE.  The design and architecture of the building was so great you have to just take a couple of minutes to take it all in. 

We also decided to visit Lincoln Castle and climbed up one of its towers to see such an amazing view. I must have taken so many pictures up there but this was one of my favourites, It's of the Cathedral from afar and just shows you how big the building is and also how high up we were.  My camera doesn't really do it justice but if you're ever in Lincoln make sure to also visit the castle and go up one of the towers - it's the best.

I made my friend take a quick ootd photo for me!
Top; H&M // Denim Shirt; New Look // Jeans; New Look

I've never been to Lincoln before and walking around reminded me of when I used to live down in Devon. We lived in a sort of town/village about half an hour away from Exeter that was filled with one off shops and tea rooms that felt quintessentially British.  Living in a main city it's quite nice to take a trip to somewhere a bit quieter.

Where is one of your favourite quick getaway places near where you live?

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How to deal with pain // Musings

'That's the thing about pain... It demands to be felt.'


I am told by Tumblr that this is a John Green quote. Well, John Green, you are absolutely right. Pain, emotional, physical, mental, small, big, fleeting or long lasting demands to be felt, screaming out for tears and attention. In the lonely hours of 3am or the bustling chaos of the morning commute, pain is not limited by time.  It won't wait until a quiet afternoon when you're ready to deal with it, it will intrude - uninterrupted, unannounced, just like that. And, like anything else on this planet, it can come in all shapes and sizes -  a memory, a feeling, a person, a word, sentences, phone calls, actions... A simple headache that seems resistant to paractamol... Heartache, that seems embedded in your soul.

'Demands to be felt...' No escaping, no running, no ignoring. But yet we try to numb, mask or conceal in any way we think possible. Who can blame us though, who wants to deal with any form of pain. Because it can be hard to find the strength, courage or time to move on, to heal, to fight it, one on one, and win.  But that's the thing about trying to numb any type of pain. It's still there until you face it, multiple times if you have to, and you come out of the battle with nothing more than a scar to tell the story.  So, pain. You must feel it, but not let it consume you, you must acknowledge its presence, but no need to make it feel at home, and above all, you must use it. Use it as motive to create - a poem, a blog post, a piece of art, music, new experiences, new relationships.  It demands to be felt, but it doesn't have to win.

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4 ways to wear: Galaxy Print Smock Dress

"Your life. Love it. 

From the hurt to the wonder. From the bone to the flower. 

Love it. With everything you've got. 

It’s yours." - Nayyirah Waheed

Dress; ASOS // Cardi; Matalan //  Crop top; Primark // Skirt; Topshop // Necklace; H&M

In one of my last posts I talked about experimenting a bit with my outfit posts and doing a couple of '3 ways to wear' / Lookbook-style posts and so this is the first of three that I've planned for the next month or so.

The dress itself is from ASOS and I just fell in love with the print when I was browsing through the sale. Intergalactic print is not something you see usually on items of clothing so it makes the dress a bit more quirky.  As it's a smock dress I figured it'd be quite versatile too.  So obviously you can wear it on it's own or with a blazer or cardi. I opted for a cardi to keep the relaxed/chilled vibe it has which would be great for a lazy day in the sun (oh summer, hurry up man!). The last two looks are quite relaxed too but incorporates layering to the outfit which I'm always a fan of.  The crop top allows you to see enough of the dress and is a great way to wear a crop top without showing off some belly if you don't want to.  Finally, the black skirt smartens it up a bit I think and would look even better with a blazer and a pair of black heels and could be worn to work depending on how relaxed your work dress code is.

Let me know what you guys think about this post and if you like or hate it! Also, what other ways would you wear a smock dress? I'd love to know!

Also! I've recently been featured on the Blogger's Lounge website and interviewed by Dirty Looks about hair care, hair crushes and DIY hair makeovers so make sure to check that out too here!

Currently, I am loving:

I came across Nayyirah Waheed's poetry and just love them, check out her Tumblr!

Check out my latest YouTube video HERE 

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Clap your hands if you feel like happiness is the truth // OOTD

Denim Jacket; Vintage || Jumper; H&M || Shirt; M&S || Rings; H&M || Riding pants; H&M || Boots; Matalan

A massive thank you to Gavina for taking these photos for me! Check out her Fashion & Beauty blog HERE and photography blog HERE

Oh hey guys hey guess what Christmas break is heeeerreeee, oh yeaaaaah. Time to chill. Kind of anyway, I still have some work left to do and need to think about my dissertation title buuuut like the typical student I'm putting it off for a while ha! Anyway, I bought this denim jacket a while back and haven't really worn it until now but I'm a lover of layering so its come in quite handy recently! Also I guess it'll be a good piece to wear in the Summer too over a dress or something as an alternative to a leather jacket.  The shirt underneath my jumper is, again, stolen form my mum but it has such a lovely print over it!

Currently, I am loving:

Pharrell - Happy (AKA the best feel good song ever)

P-Square - No one like you (AKA my wedding song)

P-Square - Chop my money

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You are a story. Do not become a word // OOTD

'You are a story. 
Do not become a word because you want to be loved. 
Love does not ask you to be nothing for something' 

Nayyirah Waheed

Jumper; H&M // Skirt; Topshop

Oh hey there. So this is just a quick outfit post for today, I feel like I've been wearing this skirt waaaay too often but it's such a good item that I can't help but wear it again... and again... and again. I'll probably get bored of it one day though.

I'm currently swimming in a sea of coursework research and political essays which is getting quite stressful! Although I'm nearly done so that's not too bad I guess! I have to say, I think this course is making me more skeptical about the world and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing... interesting stuff though!

Music wise, I am loving:

Jason Mraz - In your hands 

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Lights will guide you home // OOTD

Coat* - c/o Urban Outfitters

Scarf - Some random market stall I think!

Rings - H&M

If you live in England you know how important/vital/crucial it is that you have the perfect/warmest winter coat. Well I guess England isn't THAT cold but idk I'm just always dreading winter and just wish I could hibernate for real.  Anyway, I've been on the hunt for a proper coat for ages now as I used to have a really flimsy one from Primark that was just getting me by so when I was invited to the Urban Outfitters press day last week (check out my post on it here) and kindly offered an item I thought it would be so cool to get one from their label! Gavina actually picked this out for me to try on and I remember thinking 'ohhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaah this is niiiiiiiiiiiice' because, firstly, I love the tartan print (but also that it's not too in your face and a lot more subtle than I've seen recently) and secondly I love that it's two-tone so it makes it look a bit more interesting. And of course IT'S SO NICE AND WARM. I got it in a size bigger and I feel like I'm walking round just wrapped in a duvet. Amazing. So thank you to the guys at UO for the gift!

I actually met up with Gavina last week and she kindly offered to take my photo's for this post and for her photography blog too! We found an alleyway in between some shops that was pretty cool and lit up all the way down so it seemed like a decent location to shoot. It was really nice to experiment with light actually and I'm loving how the shots came out so thank you to her for the photo's! Make sure to check out her photography blog HERE for some more photo's and her previous work.

I hope you liked this post! A little bit different but hey! Let me know your thoughts below and have a good week! 

Currently, I've been loving:

Luke Sital-Singh - Nothing Stays the Same

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Urban Outfitters comes to Nottingham!!

GUYS URBAN OUTFITTERS IS NOW IN NOTTINGHAM AND IT'S SO COOL AND EXCITING. 

Cool because, well, it's Urban Outfitters. Exciting because, you have no idea how much people have been talking about the store opening. It's like the highlight of the year for Nottingham shoppers (slight exaggeration? I dunno...) I was lucky enough to be invited along to the press day and went along with Gavina yesterday to take a look round which was pretty exciting! I've only ever been in the one in Liverpool One so it's nice to have one here in Notts that I can check out IN REAL LIFE instead of browsing through their online collection (and perhaps spend all my money in? Oh dear...)

Every time I go shopping I've started paying more attention to mannequins and how they're styled which I never really did before for some reason (I used to just ignore them and think 'oh they're dressed too cool for me to try' haha!).  I love the layering of different colours and textures on these mannequins and as soon as I finish writing up this post I'm going to YouTube how to tie a scarf/turban so I can gain extra cool points (you think I'm joking...)

Apart from loving the Urban Outfitters brand/style I also love love love the general design and vibe of the store.  It's a lot bigger than I thought and myself and Gavina kept commenting on the quite rustic/old school vibe it gave off with graffiti and street style art dotted around. There's also a Vinyl wall and an area full of quirky books and gift ideas (I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of furby's hidden at the back somewhere!) adding  to the whole shopping experience.

If you live in/near Nottingham and haven't done so already then you should probably go and check out the store for yourself, it's so flipppin cool! It's in such a great location too (the entrance to Victoria Centre) and it's opened just in time for some serious Christmas shopping. I'm so glad I got to go along to check it out so thank you to the guys at Urban Outfitters for the invite! I was also lucky enough to pick out an item so I shall do a separate outfit post for that so look out for that! Also, make sure to check out the #UONottingham hashtag on instagram for some pictures from their store opening party last night!

What do you guys think of the store? 

Currently, I've been loving:

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

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Dove Real Beauty Sketches Campaign

Dove Real Beauty Sketches is a new beauty campaign by Dove that aims to build 'positive self-esteem' and to 'inspire all women and girls to reach their full potential.' This might sound a bit over the top and dramatic for a brand that sells soaps and deodorants... however, after watching the video and seeing the sketches in full, Dove have earned my full respect. I know this isn't their first beauty campaign but it's the first one that has made a positive impact with me.  Arguing that beauty should be a source of confidence and not anxiety, this new campaign shows an FBI forensic artist sat behind a curtain.  He is there to sketch women with nothing to go by but the descriptions that they give of themselves and how they look. What makes this interesting, however, is that afterwards, the artist then draws a second portrait of the same women, this time using the description of a complete stranger who has previously met the women. There will, of course, be differences in two different accounts of the same face, but seeing the two portraits side by side makes you realise just how inaccurate our perceptions of ourselves can be.

Image Source: Dove

Look at the difference! They look like sketches of completely different people - there are differences in hair, face shape, wrinkles, and features. Sometimes the insecurities we see in ourselves are not seen by others while the beautiful features we have that others acknowledge are completely disregarded when we look in the mirror. I'm not saying that one sketch is 'uglier' than the other, not at all... but sketches of the same face surely shouldn't have this much difference between them!

I'm not naive to the fact that, ultimately, this is a marketing campaign designed to make a profit.  Compared to other campaigns, however, Dove are challenging negative perceptions about body image,  insecurities and self-confidence at the same time (multi-tasking - nice one!) So you can argue that Dove are manipulating women's insecurities to sell soap and deodorant, or that the ad is anti-feminist, but I believe that the ad is real and truthful, and that is something that we can't escape from. In an ideal world, it wouldn't matter what we looked like or how we thought other people saw us. However we don't live in an ideal world and it does matter, whether we like to admit so or not.  I think it serves as a simple reminder that if you have ever felt disheartened, upset or uncomfortable about the way you look, this is most probably the result of unnecessary focus on that awkwardly placed mole, or your misshapen ears, or your nose you feel is too big for your face... It is true, women are not to blame for how we perceive ourselves but tackling this issue is the first step, for any woman, to realise this. Because if we don't care, then the perfect images that we see on a daily basis in the media and are told to live up to become meaningless and pointless. If we don't care then we see a difference between buying a beauty product because we think we have to (in order to change how we look to appear 'more attractive') and buying a beauty product simply because we want to (in order to enhance our natural beauty).

What is also important to realise is that this campaign by Dove stands out against all other campaigns by similar companies. Dove are tackling real issues and are using real women at the same time. Their campaigns don't focus on unrealistic aspects or use perfect models to advertise their brand and they don't tell women to look a certain way through hidden messages or claim that their product will make them look 'better' (whatever that is).  Campaigns like this are shaping the way companies advertise their products as they are realising that in order to sell to people, you have to be able to connect on a deeper level (something that most companies are yet to understand).

I only have two major criticisms that Dove really overlooked here:

1. The range of women - I think if they claim to inspire all women, then they really should have shown a wider range of women. And by that I mean size, age and colour. 

2. Why stop at women? Dove, as a brand, are not exclusive to women and men are just as likely, if not more, to suffer from body insecurities and body confidence issues. 

Watch the full advert and see the full set of sketches here

What are you thoughts on Dove's Real Beauty Sketches campaign? 

Check out my latest YouTube video HERE

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Climb that damn mountain.

Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that damn mountain.”

—	Jack Kerouac

We all have those mundane, everyday tasks that we have to complete, ranging from washing the dishes, to getting the weekly shopping done or doing some paper work. This is nothing to moan about of course because these things have to be done, whether you like it or not - life is not always exciting or glamorous or even interesting but when it is it's so important to remember those times and even more important to make sure you actually plan for these times. Maybe not exactly climbing a mountain like the quote suggests, but booking that holiday with friends, planning a once in a lifetime trip, planning and organising a party, applying for that dream job, going on that date, or even simply booking a table at your favourite restaurant and just laughing with your friends till your sides hurt. These are the moments that are looked forward to, celebrated and remembered.

Sometimes you go through times, especially around exam time at school/uni or a deadline at work or being in a job that you hate, that can make you feel trapped or get you down but you know what helps? Having something to look forward to and to know that those times will pass. The thing about bad times and good times is that neither last forever, and that's ok. Because you get through the bad times in order to enjoy the good times.
I think it could be sad if, when opportunities present themselves, we do not take them and grab them with both hands. Obviously we can't do everything, but using excuses that really do not add up, saying no, putting off doing something, letting 'life' get in the way or sticking to your comfort zone (as nice as it may be in your zone!) can only hold you back and open doors for regret. Because, when it comes down to it, the memories of your good times and the product of your labour and hard work is surely the one thing that will stand the test of time.

'Happiness is yours to take; it's born within the soul...'

'Stop searching for your joy in the hands of someone else; no amount of shared passion can make you love yourself'

We seem to make the mistake in thinking that happiness comes from certain things or having a certain someone in our lives; believing that these are sources of our happiness. While such things make us feel happy, they can't actually bring happiness if we are not, firstly, happy with ourselves. I mean sure, feeling happy around someone or when you get that amazing dress in the sale isn't a bad thing, but if your happiness becomes dependent on that then I think you begin to loose yourself a bit and these things start to become our 'masks' - soon enough we can't face a day without them, something that, undoubtedly, grows into a really unhealthy relationship to have with someone or some thing. 

Happiness truly only comes from ourselves, with being ourselves, with being comfortable with the person that we are, knowing who we are, what we like, what we dislike, what we want to do or who we want to become. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain but I think it's a fundamental basis of anyone's growth in life. Without having this foundation, any guy (or girl) can come up to you, telling you what you want to hear... 'you're beautiful... you're amazing...' and while it's nice to hear it's also like 'so what'. 'So what if I am, why does that mean we should be together?' It's not meant to sound big headed or anything like that but I think there should be more, not just a couple of pre-rehearsed lines, if things are going to be serious.  The whole idea of 'being happy with yourself' comes from the knowledge that, actually, you don't need someone to make you happy, but someone to share your happiness with. And in order to do that, you need more than feeling that you need a partner and the words of  'yeah, you're well fit' to try and reassure you. 

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