Teenage ambition // Musings

Between the ages of 5 and 15 I wanted to be 101 different things ‘when I grow up’. I started out my childhood wanting to be a nurse before my dad told me to aim as high as possible and set my sights on becoming a surgeon. This was, of course, humorously stereotypical of a Nigerian father but, unbeknownst to him, it prompted obsessions with high flying, slightly impossible careers. For a large portion of time, I wanted to be an actress, but like, a multi-millionaire-Beverley-hills-living-I-only-drink-water-from-the-mountains Hollywood actress. I also convinced myself to take up a sport so that I could, eventually, compete in the Olympics (obviously). I tried everything from Field Hockey to Cycling, from Netball to Running, only to realise that my body was not made for such things. At one time I thought I should pursue a career in science and be the one to discover indisputable evidence that there actually is life on Mars. But there came a point where my grades in science didn’t really reflect this ambition so I thought it best to be realistic for once and let that dream go. Then, I shifted my attention to music and took up piano lessons for a summer and came to the conclusion that the age of 15 was too late to play a musical instrument and become the next Beethoven. It was all or nothing for me and I didn’t want to settle for anything less. I thought about architecture, about modelling, about owning my own store a la Bloomingdales or Harrods, about pursuing a career in design and even about teaching at Oxford. Name a career and I would have spent weeks, months, or even years, researching and convincing myself that I could pursue that.

One thing I will always be grateful about is that, despite whatever hare-brained idea I had to pursue a certain activity or vocation, both of my parents were supportive. Probably because they knew I’d get bored and move on eventually – but, nevertheless, there was no ‘you can’t do that’ or ‘I’m not sure it’s the best thing for you to do’. In fact, out of everyone, my parents encouraged me to think about these things and to ask ‘why not?’ This was, of course, until I got to college and all of a sudden I was making what seemed to be the irreversible decision as to what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. At which point my dad pretty much pulled me in the direction of Law.

Nevertheless, I wanted to do and be everything I possibly could in one lifetime. It seems a shame that, as we get older, we are directed into one single minded way of thinking – to believe that we can and should only have one career path. To become one thing and stick with that for ever, which will define who you are seems a bit daunting.

However, I’m now willing myself to take some inspiration from my teenage self and realise that I still can and should do everything and anything (within reason, of course), despite having a full time job that uses up 70% of my energy (the other 30% is used up by navigating my way around London and trying not to get lost… again). I have started to meet people who, despite also working full time, are really into fitness and work out five times a week (!), or who freelance as graphic/web designers after work, who teach a language or musical instrument, who go to free talks to learn more, have a mini business on the side, who blog, take part in their community or volunteer their time for great causes. They are bad ass women and men who are refusing to be defined by their job title alone or how much money they make. Being on a certain career path and progressing in your chosen field is a vital part of your life, but it doesn’t have to be the be all and end all and as human beings we are so much more complex than that. It doesn’t, and it shouldn’t, be the defining fact about you. When someone asks you what you do, feel free to let them know your career, but also all the other wonderful things that you spend your spare time doing. 

Currently loving: 

The new H&M advert

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Thoughts on not drinking alcohol

While growing up the thought of drinking alcohol never crossed my mind - I had no urge, need or curiosity to try it. Mainly because of my upbringing, my religion and the fact that it never entered my parents home. In fact, I don't think I had ever been around any drunk people until I started university. While I had friends who were already experimenting with alcohol, it wasn't until then that I started to witness drinking games and came into close contact with various bottles of various drinks I was previously oblivious to. I'll admit, curiosity did start to creep up on me during my first couple of months at university and I seriously thought about trying it, just to see what all the hype was about - I mean, it must be amazing the way it so heavily dominated some peoples university experiences and conversations, right? However, the more I would witness some of the effects of alcohol in the form of stumbling, falling and being helped by friends into a taxi, uncontrolled behaviour or the tales of hangovers the next morning, the more my curiosity started to fade. Of course, drinking doesn't have to lead to levels of extreme drunkenness but, time and time again, I was seeing the effects that too much alcohol was having on both males and females, and decided that it must not be worth it and that I never wanted to put myself in a position where I could get to the state of not being in total control of my actions.  Don't get me wrong, I have many friends who drink on occasion, who get tipsy or who get drunk and send me humorous drunk texts and have many stories the morning after the night before. However, my decision for not drinking alcohol shifted from not drinking for religious reasons and because it was the way of my parents to not drinking because I'd made a conscious decision to not do so.

Since moving to London, I've yet to find a way to socialize and meet new people that doesn't involve drinking of some sort. Sometimes it's tiring to be the only sober person in a group of new people and it seems that socializing is made easier when slightly merry. I don't know how I managed to get through university like this. The only explanation I can think of is that my love for dancing and eagerness to make friends at university overshadowed any awkwardness I felt when in a situation where I was the only one not drinking. Now, however, I can't help but notice how much alcohol is involved in almost all social occasions. I thought it was something typical of university culture only, but it seems I was wrong and that it's something typical of society in general, albeit in slightly different ways.

I get very mixed reactions when I meet new people and tell them that I don't drink. People either don't see it as a big deal or look at me like I'm a social outcast, ask me if I'm being serious and try and get me to taste something alcoholic. I've been thinking recently about just how ingrained the idea of drinking is in our culture. From having a glass of wine with a meal to drinking to get drunk, to relax, for the buzz, the feel good factor, for some dutch courage, to lose your inhibitions or just because everyone else is drinking too.  It's all so normal in our culture that someone who decides not to partake in the activity is immediately asked why. Most of the time it's out of pure curiosity - a question to keep the conversation flowing or genuine interest in finding out more about your life choices. Other times, it can feel accusatory - like there must be big reasons behind deciding to opt out of such a social activity. Few times, however, I've found that the question as to 'why' is less to do about me and more to do about the person asking - that when I give my reason I'm met with ten reasons as to why the person indulges in drinking 'well I think it's ok... I don't drink that much, just when I'm out... I drink to relax, you know?' It's almost as if, by me choosing not to drink it means I'm automatically judging those who do when, really, I don't care if you do or don't -  as long as it's your conscious choice to do so.

It's interesting to think how something like a drink is heavily involved in our society. Whether you drink or not, it's enough to divide opinions and create heated debates when really, it just comes down to personal choice, and that's absolutely fine.

What are your thoughts on someone not drinking alcohol?

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Thoughts on turning 25 // Musings

I recently turned 25 and the thought of being mid-twenties excites and scares me at the same time.

All us twenty something year olds have come a long way from 16 and I've never felt more confident yet less confident about myself and the future than I have right now. It's a weird place to be. I feel confidence in certain things, such as my appearance, my sense of style, that I'm surrounding myself with the right people, that I can walk away from a person or situation that proves to be nothing but toxic. I feel (hope) that I've finally mastered the art of small talk and introducing myself to people at events and confident that I'm able to question things, the status quo and think for myself; among many other things. However, I still struggle with confidence in terms of my career, relationships and my own talents and abilities in general. I still second guess myself with relentless questions of what am I doing, am I doing this ok, am I right to think this or to question that at work? Am I steering my life in the right direction and will I ever be able to keep a plant alive for more than two weeks?

I've always been mindful of time and the fact that it's a rare commodity. While it's good to realise this, it often sent me in a state of panic - that I hadn't done much, or anything at all, of what I wanted to do, whatever that was. I felt that everything had to have been done yesterday and while people said 'you'll figure it out eventually' I often thought 'what if I figured it out now, wouldn't that be so much better??' I was reassured by my friends and good old buzzfeed articles that I wasn't alone in experiencing the dreaded quarter life crisis. But sometimes, strength in numbers doesn't offer much comfort - that magnifying glass on your life is a little too focused on what you should be doing that there isn't room to see what you have done.

The thing about time though, is that it will pass regardless of whether it's spent planning or panicking. Often panic can cause you to stop, not sure what direction to go in, afraid of making a decision out of fear of it being the wrong one. So for my 25th year I'll choose to plan and to actively chase life, instead of letting things just happen with no real input. I'll put myself out there more, start writing more, traveling more (or as much as my bank balance will allow), taking care of myself and those around me more and keep on learning. I'll also learn to let go more. Make no mistake though - I'm under no illusion that life will go as planned 100% of the time because, as much as I'd like to, I can't control what's going to happen. So when things don't go exactly as planned, I'll learn to roll with it, adjust my plans and see what happens.

Every decade is a struggle. I remember struggling through my school years, trying to build a sense of identity and understanding of the world around me. And then you move through it and come out the other end with a closed chapter and an eagerness to start the next. Mistakes are made time and time again but lessons are learnt to keep you pushing forward, and that's all we an hope for from every birthday we are blessed with.

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Getting over cringeworthy moments // Musings

One of my favourite places in London at the moment is St Pancras International Station. I love that they have piano's placed there for people to play while waiting for their train and how the somewhat peaceful melodies from the piano players of London is nicely juxtaposed against the busy station and rush of travelers.  It's a place that I could easily sit and people watch for a couple of hours, which I've done one too many times while waiting for a train back home. And what I've learnt from watching people rush around, worried with their own lives, is that people are so consumed with themselves, that they're really not looking at you. How often do you try to get to sleep only to be met with your brain recalling about 11 times from your life where you embarrassed yourself to what felt like the point of no return. I remember giving a presentation at uni once and was so nervous to do so as I didn't have a clue what my topic was about. Despite spending the entire week researching it, I still couldn't get my head around it and couldn't change it to something I actually understood. So I walked up to the front of the class feeling like a complete fraud and the moment I started speaking my voice began to shake uncontrollably - something that's never happened to me before which made it even worse! When I think about it now, I cringe and laugh with absolute embarrassment. But really, who remembers that part of the day in so much detail apart from me? No body will go home after school or work and over analyse every single word you gave during the presentation because they'll go home and over analyse every single word they gave during the presentation. 

I always wonder if people spend as much time as I do overanalyzing every single detail of the day and I've come to the conclusion that they do, of course they do, just from their own perspective. You're the main protagonist of your story, so you're bound to over think situations at work, with family and friends or replay old conversations over and over again, insisting that you messed up. In reality though, who even remembers in such excruciating detail your most cringe-worthy moments, apart from you? As my homegirl Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as once saying, 'you wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.' So chill in the knowledge that people have their own schedules and views of the world that doesn't involve or have anything to do with you. I don't mean this in a 'nobody-cares-about-you' kind of way, but more of a 'nobody-is-really-watching-you-so-chill' kind of way.

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Saying No // Musings

'One day, I'll find the right words, and they will be simple' 

 Jack Kerouac

Image Source

Scrolling through twitter on the bus, trying to ignore how packed it was and how close some guys armpit was to my face as he clung to a railing to avoid falling over, something was retweeted on to my time line that caught my attention. I should have taken a screenshot of it but the gist of the tweet was:

'Learn to say no. Without explaining yourself after. No. Just no. Because no.'

And, let me tell you guys, this is so hard to do.  I always think that the word 'no' needs to be followed by an explanation as to why. And in some situations this may be the case. But sometimes, if you don't feel like doing something, a suitable explanation as to why might be hard to come by and that is ok. 'Not right now' and 'no thank you' are perfectly fine as complete sentences and can be used in a number of situations - at work, with friends, with a guy.

At work

Not wanting to get involved with something or if you are too busy to even think about taking on any extra work are probably the biggest reasons that you would want to decline work. I know that at work this might seem pretty hard to do, especially if you are new to the company or you are at a trainee position, declining work does not paint a great first impression. But if there comes a time where extra work would prove to be a detriment to your health, causing stress and exhaustion, then saying 'no' becomes a necessity you can't escape. Valuing your time and understanding your priorities are important and a courteous 'not right now' or offering a solution/different contribution is a great way to do this without offending.

With friends & family

Spending time with friends and family is great. Obviously. Making memories, telling stories and just laughing till it hurts are things every single person has the opportunity to enjoy. But sometimes, you need some 'me time', you know?? Saying no to a meet up date but offering an alternative date is a great way to balance it out. And besides, sometimes you don't even have to explain your 'no' - that's the great thing about friendships, they are understanding and empathetic if you're just having 'one of those days'.

With a guy

Ever been approached by a guy and the words 'no, sorry, I have a boyfriend' naturally fall out of your mouth? Yep, same. Regardless of whether or not you do have a boyfriend, this sentence is pretty standard in avoiding followup attention. It pretty much translates to 'I would love to give you my number, but because I have a boyfriend and I'm not the cheating type, I am forced to decline your offer. Gutted.' Which is wrong in all kinds of ways but the bottom line - 'No' is sufficient and 'no' is a complete sentence.  Buuuut obviously we don't live in a perfect world and you get the guys who are annoyingly persistent, even when they can see that you are uncomfortable and unwilling to engage in conversation. But with getting into the habit of putting weight behind a 'no' and not following it up with a reason, after a while, the guys gotta accept reality, right?? Or you could just do The Face and hope it will scare him away.

I think that saying 'Yes' and saying 'No' to things are two important lessons to learn - you don't want to cut things off without ever seeing what opportunities may come your way, but at the same time, you don't want to exhaust yourself by bending over backwards to accommodate for everything people ask of you or every opportunity that comes up.  After all, life is all about a happy balance.

Do you guys have any advice to offer on saying 'no'?

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Tales of a wanderer // Musings

'Today, find a point of stillness:

Brief, but precious. 

Slight, but full. 

Small, but luminously real...'

- Na'ama Yehuda

I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned this about 542987 times before but the University of Nottingham has such a beautiful campus and it shares its grounds with Highfields Park which is quite possibly my favourite place in Nottingham (apart from my house of course, because, you know, food and my bed. Oh and my family I guess).  It's nothing spectacular but it's the place I like to go when things get a bit blearuurrrghhmehhharghh (oh yes, that familiar feeling) as it's always really peaceful or, as my friend likes to say, 'tranquil'. 

So I go, wander around for a bit, find a nice bench with a lovely view, sit and just people/squirrel watch before heading home.  Sitting on a park bench and doing nothing or wandering aimlessly around the grounds may seem like a complete waste of time, I mean, time is the biggest commodity we have, so why waste it right??  As the one thing we strive to use efficiently and constantly crave as we get older, time is the most important thing there is. As the saying goes, time is money and however we spend it builds up who we are as a person. But among the deadlines, exam revision, house chores, life errands, work schedules, social dates, family commitments etc etc etc, sometimes you need a moment, some space and some time to just be still. Some people like meditation, others choose yoga while for some a run on the treadmill works best. For me, it's a moment on a park bench. It's a place of sanctuary and peace, a place to be still while the world keeps going and a place to think with no distractions, no messages, no stress... no worries. 

I think everyone needs their own place of stillness - a place of quiet among the raging noise of the world - so I challenge you guys, if you don't have one, to find one. A place and time where your phone goes off and you just listen to the sounds around you, to your own breathing, to your own thoughts... completely aware of your being in that present moment.  I sound like I'm a new found Yogi telling you to 'search for your inner eye' but I can promise you this - learning to take a moment to be still is priceless and one of the greatest lessons I've learnt.  It's one of those things where you start doing it you think to yourself 'why the hell have I not thought about doing this before??!!' 

What do you like to do to find a moment of peace?

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And Heaven is betting on us // OOTD

Shirt - H&M
Skirt - TopShop
Boots - New Look

Things are getting quite hectic with uni at the moment but tbh I'm not complaining. In the space of three months I've gone from having absolutely nothing to do/work on to being so busy I feel like I'm going to explode. I guess life is funny like that and I've come to the realisation that nothing will ever go according to plan. Ok maybe that's a slight exaggeration. I mean, you can plan what you want to happen in life and take steps to hopefully make that become a reality but at the same time, things aren't always going to work out as you want. They may work out better or they may not work out at all. But to keep going is the real strength and success in life. To keep going when it can be really easy for you to give up will probably result in more success than you realise.

'Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.' - Eckhart Tolle

I should really get a diary so I'm not bombarding you guys with posts like these! Anyway, my neighbours saw me take outfit photo's this morning and I'm pretty sure they think I'm a weirdo... Explaining blogging to someone who doesn't get it is kinda hard haha! 

Music wise, I am loving:

PrimeTime - Janelle Monae ft Miguel (THIS SONG IS SO LOVELY!)

Check out my latest YouTube video on Things I'd Tell My Teenage Self HERE 

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Greatness // Morning Musings

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant... gorgeous... talented?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone....' - Marianne Williamson (I may or may not have just watched Coach Carter for the 2847th time...)

I remember in second year of uni having one of those late night, deeper-than-the-ocean type conversations with some friends about the idea of greatness. Greatness. What even is that? And how do you achieve it? Is it being superior and having a natural ability to be better than others? If so how do you define that? Do you have to lead a country or sell out world tours in a matter of seconds? Well then what if you're not Barack Obama or Beyonce and you're just... you. Can you still be Great or achieve Greatness? Surely it doesn't have to be this grand, unattainable thing that is only in the reach of a select few. Greatness can be in everything that we do or anything that we achieve. There is greatness in life and in the simplicity of living. There is greatness in being who you are and going after what you want, whatever this may be.  Of course, there is greatness in the big victories of life, but there is also greatness in the small victories too.  Like standing up for yourself, taking a chance, saying no, saying yes, being the best daughter/son/mother/wife/father/friend that you can be, raising a kick-ass family, making a decision to try or setting yourself a goal and achieving it. Like whoever thought you could run that marathon, or stand up to your ex or learn a new language or set up your own business or get a flippin degree. Don't underestimate how epic these things are.

Greatness is not a gift just handed out to a couple of people throughout history and you don't have to look very far for it. It is consistent time, energy and effort on a certain thing or aspect of your life. It is acknowledging the good things about yourself and not feeling the need to dismiss them, casting them away like they're not important. Who told you that it wasn't important? That you're not important? 

Also, I'm starting an interview series on blog so if you would like to be featured then let me know!

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Monday Musings

Images sources: Tumblr

A lot can happen in a short space of time and sometimes it can really make you sit up and look at things a whole lot differently. I learnt that the hard way this week. While we're out chasing our dreams, watching TV, going out, it's important to remember the most important things in our lives. Family, friends, Health and your time. Have a good week.

Check out my latest YouTube video HERE 

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Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen) // Musings

Last week consisted of hours upon hours of job searches and online applications so it was lovely to meet up with Nora and eat and talk and wander about town till our hearts content.

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The fact that it is already July and that time is moving so fast scares me a little bit. My sister is doing her GCSE's and I seriously still remember doing mine like it was yesterday (ha, how old does that make me sound?!) Your time is probably one of the most valuable things you have and sometime it can be so easy to waste it - on hate, on regret, on worry, on fear, on people or on doing something that we don't even enjoy. I think that's the saddest thing. If we could see how much of our time we actually waste I think we would do things a bit differently. On the other side of the scale though, quotes such as 'live everyday to the fullest' make me feel a bit uneasy because I don't really know how to do that when all I've done today is chill at home while I sent of a couple of CV's and wrote up this post. That's not exactly what you think of when you hear 'live everyday to the fullest' although I guess it's about productivity.

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Tomorrow it will be exactly a year since I got me degree results from University and began my preparation for graduation.  Not only does that add to my 'omg-time-is-moving-so-fast-don't-waste-it' thoughts it also makes me think how, despite not being in education anymore, you should never stop learning. Ever. Not just about yourself but about what's going on around you; about politics or religion or environmental issues or whatever it is that interests you - small or big.  In school and education you learning for exams, coursework, grades and your teachers whereas in life you learn for yourself and own peace of mind. Does that even make sense?!

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Currently, I am loving:

Everybody's free to wear sunscreen - Baz Lurhmann

If you haven't already heard this then I suggest you go right ahead and click on that link man!

'Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth'

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Check out my latest YouTube video HERE 

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